Lately, in a small effort to be um… not so fat, I have taken to drinking 1% milk. For the longest time I had been sticking with 2% feeling like I was already making a significant sacrifice by staying away from the real stuff.
Tangent A - Just for the record, I did try that skim milk stuff once but got a sneaking suspicion that all was not right within the carton. As one who has experience in actually milking cows and skimming the cream off the top then drinking the milk I don't remember it tasting quite like that. My fears were recently confirmed by an episode of “How it’s Made” on the Discovery Channel where they showed where skim milk comes from.
First they get a liter of that lukewarm water from one of those ancient white porcelain drinking fountains often found in public schools and maximum security prisons. You know, the water whose taste contains a hint of lead pipe mixed with just the faintest note of asbestos and basically just tastes like teen spirit©.
Next, into this liter of essence of spit valve they drop one piece of left over white chalk. Not a whole piece though, oh no. Apparently that would give the finished product a bit too much of a creamy taste so they use the tiny bits that are no longer usable to write with, and just one piece per liter. By recycling these bits of previously discarded chalk the skim milk people receive double satisfaction in that they are turning the concoction mildly whitish, in an obviously translucent definitely non-opaque kind of way, while still faithfully maintaining the stale and unrelentingly weak flavour of the water as well as somehow helping, I mean hurting (I think) global warming. They also often like to smugly point out that they have been recycling the leftover bits of chalk into this so called "skim milk" since way before global warming became trendy. Now back to the main story…
I’ve noticed the 3.25% or whole milk section of the supermarket getting smaller and smaller all the time. Even the old standard 2% seems to be losing space to 1% and that dissolved chalk stuff. Sometimes I even feel guilty reaching for my 2% when everyone else is taking the 1% or less and all the while giving me that healthier than thou, are you seriously buying that, slightly raised left eyebrow face.
A few days ago I was really craving some good old fashioned dairy fat so I decided to risk my 2% reputation and go for a liter of the 3.25% in the lovely red carton. No pink or yellow for me today, I’m going for broke. I pushed my mini (single loser person) cart over to the milk fridge and was pretending to peruse the attributes of the various whipping creams. Then, when no one was looking I grabbed a carton of whole milk with a certain quickness that would have made Batman, or possibly even Superman, proud. I hid it under a dozen large eggs and a bag of Nacho Cheese Doritos and made a break for the self-serve check out. (No cashier would see me and I even paid cash so there would be no way anyone could trace that carton of whole milk to me.) As far as any of my fellow shoppers know I’m still a loyal 2% no, wait… I mean 1% guy.
When I finally got it home I immediately put it in the fridge to bring it down to optimum temperature and then later, with a couple of oatmeal cookies on the side I poured me a glass of forgotten glory into a traditionally shaped slightly tapered medium thickness glass (it just tastes best that way) and returned to heaven. I must say that it was well worth the risk and adventure. It really does taste different and so much better.
I know many of you have worked your way down to 1% or even skim milk and have convinced yourself that you don’t miss the taste of real thing and I know that the dissolved chalk is supposedly better for you and all that but I would invite you to, on some distant special occasion, risk the condescending glare of your fellow shoppers and buy a quart of the real stuff and let it take you back to the days when milk was delivered in big glass bottles and when you opened one, you could find just a taste of cream stuck to the underside of the cardboard paper lid. (OK maybe that far back is pushing it but you get the idea right?)
THE END
The preceding post may or may not have been brought to you by the Dairy Farmers of Alberta. It is offered to hopefully provide you with a small chuckle or at least a mild distraction for a few minutes. Don’t take it too seriously. As always, thanks for reading.
11 comments:
K I think that post has scared me from ALL dairy! Chalk? Ick!
I don't remember when I made the plunge into the 1% class of dairy drinkers but it was sometime in my college years and it had a lot to do with the fact that less milk fat means less $$$. It has been a long time since I hit the hard stuff, and I loved the description of the glass you drank it from, it really does taste better in the right glass at the right temp...(Aside: do any of you remember those old aluminum or tin cups that Gma and Gpa had...those made anything, especially orange juice taste great.) SO anyways, I think I have replaced my love for "Homo" or "Whole" or "Vitamin D" milk with egg nog which my local grocery store is already selling. I love how Christmas is slowly talking over the entire year. Anyways sorry for the long comment... but I love milk.
Don't worry Tanis. It's only skim milk that's made from chalk. All the others are still made from cows.
Ray, yes I do remember the metal cups. They were great.
I haven't had egg nog for years but you've got me wanting to try it again. I'm sure it'll be on the shelves here as well soon.
You are all so funny. I think this is a Hardy thing. They say opposites attrack and that's the case with Kendall and I. Let me guess, if any Hardy boy was in a restaurant and could choose ANY drink from the menu...would it be MILK? Don't even get me started on what he dips in it for "FUN". Frankly, all milk tastes gross to me. I drink it simply to prevent from falling apart from osteoporosis in years to come....and for the sake of my children when pregnant. But I did get a kick out of this post. Laughing out loud at times. Now do a post about pineapple cheese jello....and I'd choose "BROKE" too!
Okay I had to laugh well reading this post. I have a husband that grew up in a home where all they had was water with chalk in it. So I remember well when we were dating him coming over and always wanting to drink milk becuase there would always been 2% or Homo. Another thing about milk, it should always be drank out of its own glass and not to be shared with water. I love it how my little family thinks it is funny at supper to all drink milk and then just to make me sick add water to the glass after. YUCK!!! I have to share this short and I think funny storie. We were in Great Falls one weekend when Livy was a baby and we need some HOMO milk for her bottle so I called room service for a class and asked for HOMO milk well can you just imagine what the lady on the other end of the phone thought of me. I then had to try to explain what I wanted and think of another name for it. Must be a canadian thing. One more thought. Shane's favourite thing to do with Egg nog for you lovers out there (jewel) 1/2 glass egg nog and the other 1/2good old chocolate milk.
PS..the only good milk out there is Dairyland
Jewel, I don't think I've ever ordered milk at a restaurant . It's strickly an at home drink for me.
Megan, that's a funny story. I'll have to try that chocolate egg nog this year.
About Egg Nog: I didn't always like it but I think if you find the right brand and the right mixture anyone can like it. Our favorite brand here is made by a liquor company called Southern Comfort. You are supposed to add their rum to it but we obviously don't. They have traditional flavor and Vanilla. I love the vanilla one because it tastes like melted ice cream, but cold of course. I like mine with a little milk but some friends of ours mix with sprite... I tried it and don't like it but some of you might. So have fun finding the right flavor and mix for you.
And Meg- the next time you want to order "Homo" milk in the states you should call it "Whole" milk, they don't call it Homo down here.
What a funny post! I must admit that over the years I had gradually converted to the 1% crowd. Can't say that I will ever get used to the "chalk milk" though. But in defense of my 1% habit, I often fix it in cereal by pouring in some good old, real fat cream! So much for my arteries.
Brilliant Lorin, just brilliant. Takes me back to the days of nutrition classes when the professor would talk about whole milk and the class would react with that "healthier than thou" attitude. I remember hearing the hushed but detest-filled "eew" echoed by every girl in the class. I had a little laugh to myself then and another big laugh when I read your blog.
Milk rules - where else can you get calcium, vit D and protein in such an appetizing package - anyone for chocolate??? I think one reason I enjoy it so much is because sometimes we were discouraged from drinking so much of it, "Russell that's all we have for breakfast tomorrow." I'm sure none of my brothers were ever told that. And don't get me started on orange juice - that didn't last an afternoon let alone make it to breakfast.
How did we ever survive - oh the depravity!!!
I don't order milk at restaurants either. It's just not the same. And I have to say that Canadian milk or at least Dairyland is better than the stuff we get down here although I still love what we've got.
that last comment was mine.
Russ H.
I'm glad you enjoyed it Marlan and Russ.
It was pretty late when I wrote it so I wasn't sure if it was kinda funny or just weird.
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